Aachoo Voo Private Eye 2024 : Aachoo Voo Private Eye Episode Seventeen Playboy Thiese, Jack Knife James and the lovely Zelma Lee

https://aachoovooprivateeye2024.blogspot.com/2024/07/aachoo-voo-private-eye-episode-sixteen.html Link to Episode 16

Aachoo Voo, Private Eye

Episode 17

Playboy Thiese, Jack Knife James

and the lovely Zelma Lee

Jack Knife James had loved many women in his time but none as much as he loved Zelma Lee, the most gorgeous dame he'd ever laid eyes on. She was the dream girl you only saw in magazines kept hidden under mattresses. She was the broad you drooled over in movie theaters, the chorus girl dancer you paid all your hard earned money to see dance on stage only to be ignored until you waved your last dollar at her with your phone number scrawled on it only to see her buy a hot dog with it later as you followed her out of the club. She raised you up with a fleeting glance and let you down like a bucket in a well as her pretty eyes swept over your hopeful face and over to the movie star or millionaire standing beside you. Your lonely bedroom was plastered with her photographs and newspaper clippings and programs and ticket stubs and souvenirs and the crushed red roses and pearl earring you had seen her drop.

And there in the place of honor on the wall that held your Honorable Discharge certificate from the Army, the hometown newspaper article about how you had saved a drowning feral hog from a half frozen pond, your Little Orphan Annie Decoder ring, your autographed 8x10 of the guy who played Tarzan but you could never pronounce his last name, was the gold frame that held the pristine white napkin with the lipstick imprint of Zelma Lee's lips on it that you gave $15.00 to a waiter for one cold December night as you stood outside the little cafe freezing your butt off while watching the love of your life eating a slice of cherry pie and drinking coffee with some schnook through a frosted over window pane.

It was like a Christmas present to yourself, that napkin. Her lips. Her luscious lips. There on your wall just looking at you as you slept and dreamed of her. You, a full grown man with the good fortune to be a mobster/trumpet player both feared and admired by hundreds if not thousands. You had a great comic book collection and a drawer full of poetry and short stories you had written yourself. You were pitiful but you didn't care. You knew that one day, one sweet day, you were going to make that fine haughty woman Mrs. Jack Knife James and nobody was going to stop you!

Except there was one fly in the ointment of your plans. A fly named C. Loc Thiese, otherwise known as Playboy, the lucky dog currently on the arm of the lovely Zelma Lee out there in Hollywood where she had gone to break into the movies two long years ago. And she had and had done it well. Now she was coming back to New York City for the premiere of a new movie with her co-star and current lover boy or so the movie magazines and Hedda Hopper and the other professional talking mouths said. He was an actor, singer, hoofer, former boxer, who was said to play a mean alto sax and knew his way around both the streets and the bedrooms of debutantes. Just thinking about him made Jack Knife grit his teeth and go write torch songs all night long.

Jack Knife aimed to see for himself what it was all about and he aimed to get the imprint of those lips on his lovelorn face again just like he had back in junior high. He had been in love with that girl since first grade and finally by their junior year he had persuaded her to wear his ring and go steady for at least three months. She was his first love and always would be. And you know what they say about first loves: You never forget them and they're usually the reason you end up in an asylum twenty-five years later. As for Jack Knife, she was the reason he had become a cold-blooded gangster and the reason why he played a trumpet that moaned like nobody's business. She was his inspiration and muse. His trumpet moaned for Zelma Lee and only for Zelma Lee.

She had sidestepped his ardent advances from New York to New Rochelle to New Jersey to New Zealand (a story for another time) but yeah, he had pursued that girl in every way he could think of and nothing had worked. Oh, there were nights when it seemed his dreams were coming true but the next morning she'd always left him with a cold splash of reality and a typed out note that had been duplicated many times and stamped with her signature Always, Zelma Lee and a little kissy face doodle. He hated those doodles! But he had kept every last one of them, dammit! If he could just get his hands around that Thiese guy's throat, he'd show that woman how much he loved her! He'd kill for her! Beg, borrow and steal for her! No, no, he wouldn't borrow for her. He had standards. His mama had taught him standards. He wouldn't borrow anything from anybody.

His mama had told him, "Now Son, if you borrow something, you'll feel obliged to give it back. So don't borrow nothing. Either ask can you have it or go buy it your own durn self!" Quote unquote. And he always listened to his mama. (Except when she told him to stay away from mobsters, jazz clubs, trumpets and Zelma Lee.) Except for that stuff. Otherwise, he was a very obedient son. Ask anybody. He made a mental appointment with the Who- Did -He- Think- He- Was -Playboy, punching a fist into the palm of his other hand and daring him to not show up. Or show up. Show out. Show something. He would mess up that handsome face of his so bad he'd only be starring in "Lips" Lipperson type B Movie monster movies from now on! Just wait!

The night of the big movie premiere, Jack Knife had his entourage all decked out in black tie and tails, even Shrimpy Joe, the gofer who stood all of four feet tall. (In heels.) He'd paraded around like a banty rooster saying, "Look at me! Look at me!" till somebody muzzled him and put him in the trunk of the limousine. The boys were all excited. They wanted to hobnob with movie stars and get a gander at Zelma Lee up close as they had all developed crushes on her over the years but especially now that she had made it big. She'd modeled, sung and danced her way to the top and he was proud of her with all of his tattered heart. It was tough being a hard nosed hood with a tattered heart but he pulled it off. Nobody ever knew that but his Nana and she'd never told.

Nana and Gramps

His grandfather had been as mean as a junkyard dog but she'd loved him to pieces. Literally. (Even Nanas have their limits, I guess.) They'd buried him in three coffins. Four days before the old man's eighty-sixth birthday. No one was ever arrested but everyone knew who had sent him up to the Big House in the Sky. (If indeed he was headed in that direction.) Nana lived out the rest of her years in relative peace and quiet after enduring his chaos for sixty-five years. Jack Knife was glad for her. All his grandfather had ever given anybody was hell. He wished that Nana could be there with him in the limo going to the movie premiere. She'd be so proud. But she was in prison on other charges.

Flash bulbs were popping, people were screaming, it seemed like all of New York City had turned out for this big to-do. He positioned himself in front of a poster of the star of the movie (Some strange thing called "The Girl In The Pearls At The Top Of The World" a new experimental film made in the Alps. Didn't sound like his cup of tea but who cared? He was going to see his doll! And then suddenly there she was. She was getting out of a long black limousine and being escorted down a red carpet by the director of the movie. He was wearing fur. She was wearing fur. And a long slinky silver something or other than he couldn't figure out how she'd gotten into. She looked damned good! Better than good. Falling down and proposing and rushing off to get married good! But he kept his composure. He watched some of his boys fight to take pictures and get autographs. Some of them held back in the crowd looking like shy school boys. He knew how they felt. Then he saw her looking his way and exclaiming "There you are! Where have you been? I've been dying to see your handsome mug again!"

A big smile broke out on his face and he stepped forward to throw his arms around her but grabbed only empty air as she had walked right past him and thrown herself into the arms of....you guessed it....C. Loc 'Playboy' Thiese! He was momentarily stunned but thought fast and hurried to the side of Dorothy Dandridge as she emerged from a white Rolls Royce. "Hello, Darling," he murmured and bent to kiss her hand. She looked confused for a moment but captivated by this well dressed stranger, she played along and said loudly, "Well, Hello Darling to you, too!" Just as she took his arm, he saw Zelma Lee turn at the entrance of the theater and look back at them, wide-eyed. Their eyes locked and he nodded and looked away feeling avenged as he heard Shrimpy Joe somewhere hidden in the crowd shout, "Oh my God! You know Dorothy Dandridge too???!!!" The rest of the night was a blur, a wonderful blur. It was magic and fun and Zelma Lee's eyes shot daggers at him all night but he could honestly say that the movie was crap.